I must ask your forgiveness ahead of time. This blog is just a bunch of random thoughts that I must get out of my head so that I can sleep tonight. It may come together in the end, it may not. In any event, it’s thoughts that are tearing me up inside and they simply must come out. Here goes….
We got back from the girls Embrace convention today. As I looked around the room last night and this morning, I realized that there is so much hurt in the world. I specifically have a special place in my heart though for hurting woman and even more than that, hurting teen girls. Why? I was one. As I have shared before, I was molested as a child. From ages 5-8 I was sexually abused by a “family friend”. Yeah…great friend huh? Anyway, I looked around the room and my heart broke for these girls. I saw such regret in some of their faces. I saw such need and want for someone-anyone-to love them. Unfortunately, some of them look in the wrong places and find what they think is love in the arms of a boy who, in the end, just breaks them even worse. I hugged so many of them, just trying to let them know that there are people out there who truly care. People who will truly listen and not judge.
I once had someone ask me one time how I am so non-judgmental. Well, the simple answer is that I have done almost everything outside of murder, that there is to do. Who am I to judge? The Bible tells me not to anyway. It is not my place. It is my place to love and try to steer them in the right direction.
Years ago when my husband and I were new Christians he told me he felt called to youth ministry. Well, I so did not! I had no desire to work with a bunch of little smart mouths with no respect. I had been one. No thanks. But, I saw that he truly knew he was called to this and so I prayed this….”ok God. If you have called Michael, you have called me. I have no desire, so if this is so, then you must put that desire within me. If you do, I will obey.” That was it. I was really praying I would feel nothing so I didn’t have to deal with. I’m just being honest here. So, I attended a youth service at our church. That’s all it took, and the rest is history. The first time I prayed with a girl and felt her pain. The first time one called me when she found out she was pregnant because she knew I would understand having been a teen mom. The first time one confided to me that she was raped; that her innocence had been stolen from her. My heart breaks for these girls. I long to let them know how precious they are; how valued. I want them to always know that they are so much more than what they look like. So much more. Now, it’s not always bad! I remember the first time one called and asked me to do her makeup for a dance. The first time one said “I wanna be in Mrs. Kim’s room cause she’s cool”. The first time one from years ago called me and asked me to sing at her wedding. All of these things are precious to me and hold a place in my heart.
I am now in college for mental health counseling (Christian style) with a minor in youth ministry. I can’t imagine my life without them. I was once prophesied over by a woman of God and told “you will be a mother to many”. I guess I am. I love them as my own and when the times have come that I have wanted to give up….they keep me going.
And as I looked around the room last night and this morning at the conference, I realized some of them are too weak to fight for themselves. They are too wounded and too beat up. Ya know what? I’ll fight for them! I will hold them when they need to cry ( We have a running joke that I love snot and make-up smears on my shirt from my girls), I will tell them they are wrong when they are and I will let them know they are precious. I will let them know they are valued and deserve to be treated with respect. I will stay up at night to pray for them if need be (and have done so many nights) I will answer my phone and meet them to counsel them (and I do)….yup…I will fight for them. Why? Because THEY ARE WORTH IT!
