I was thinking today about God holding and bottling every tear that we cry. That’s an awesome thing to me because in the past week or two I have cried an extreme amount of tears. I have experienced the kind of emotional pain that hurts so deeply you feel like your heart is literally being ripped out. I have questioned myself and wondered what in the world I did wrong. What did I do to cause this to happen? Little offers me comfort. Little makes me happy. Little offers me hope. I am just being honest and transparent here. Please don’t leave me comments telling me I have no faith….I have faith. I have faith enough to call on His name even though I am too tired to. I have faith enough that I know He is still in control. But, I am human. And right now, I am a human who is hurting. 
My mind goes back to Job…blameless Job who did nothing but love God and yet had everything stricken from him. Job, who would not curse God and die. Job who passed his test. Job who, after going through the fire, came forth as gold. During this trial, I have remained faithful. Not because I have to, but because I want to. I have still read. I have prayed. I have fasted. I have still led worship. I have taught Sunday school. I have preached in youth. I have lived my life as God wants me to live it. I have sought His will, His grace, and His mercy. Am I perfect? No way! But…Jesus is my everything. He is all I have. He is all I need. I believe that He is going to turn this situation around. I pray He does is soon….because I can’t handle much more. I have heard it said without a TEST you would not have a TESTimony. I will have a great one after this is over. Why am I writing this? I don’t know. I have stated before that this blog is my source of catharsis. I am the type of person who has to get things out and this is my way of doing it. I also want your prayers if you are reading this and are a Christian. I want you to know if you are at a place where you are hurting, hang in there. It’s all we can do. We can’t go back. I wouldn’t want to. My God is faithful. He is faithful and He is worthy. No matter my circumstances, I’m gonna praise Him. No matter what it looks like, I believe he is in control. So, I’m gonna hang in there. You hang in there too.
